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I just reread an old email exchange from 2009 with Asia and a couple other friends from grad school. She was bringing John down to DC and was excited for us to meet him. I had already heard good things through the grapevine, but was curious to meet the man myself. He, of course, was wonderful. All the good things I heard were true. And he made Asia so happy. This was from my wedding November 6, 2010. My heart goes out to John’s family and friends.
John, my best friend, partner in life’s adventures, unwavering support, and the love of my life. I am missing your pure love, humor, touch, and kindness deeply, every second.
Northern Pike in the north.
I only knew John briefly but I was lucky enough to have gone fishing with him to the Territory of Nunavut this past August. I had asked him to join me on a fly fishing trip to a lodge in Nunavut and as part of a story I was writing on the trip. We had two weeks for fishing, good food, great company and some amazing scenery in an unspoiled place many miles for anything. He loved every minute and taught me many things about fly fishing, living in New York and what the world meant to him. He would call home nightly and, given our remote location, was able to update those closest to him on how the fishing sucked. We only had a few days where the fishing is what one would expect from Nunavut in Canada’s Arctic but we loved every single day. My wife Sandy, who had a common bond with John through the study of law, very much enjoyed hosting him at our home in Yellowknife and the time we had together at the lodge. I had plans of fishing together again but those have been taken as have the days spend with his family and friends and for that I, among many many others as truly sorry.
Great to see all the photos of John and the remembrances of his enthusiasm and good humor. I am grateful to have known him.
This picture is from August 2008, just before Scott and Havilah’s rehearsal dinner up in Vermont.
Of the many things I loved about John was his laugh. It had a whimsical, spirited arc to it.
It began usually with a sigh. A sigh that signaled a change in direction in the conversation. Followed by a deep, short, belly laugh and finally, a huge smile. And almost always finished with an ironic or witty comment. As in the following exchange:
Me: ” John what do you think about Hemingway”
John: “Well,” …sigh … “I think he’s great…” (Deep belly laugh) “if you like writers who make up words that don’t exist in the English language”
He seemed to find humor in most everything. But, if you knew John, he also had a rather serious side. It could be about environmental concerns such as the fate of salmon, which he called a “cool ” and “smart” fish whose role was too central to aquatic life to be dismissed by the growing appetite for sashimi. Or it could be about our shared frustrations with how difficult it is to find ones path in life and know when you are on track or even moving forward. That feeling of being lost. Of being grateful yet wanting more.
We talked often about writing and reading, and our favorite authors. We usually hated each other’s choice in writing styles, but it never stopped us from discussing them. He was a huge David Foster Wallace fan and after some prodding I agreed to borrow the book of essays “The supposedly fun thing that I would never do again” whose title essay, while I appreciated, I could not get through. And after much prodding, he agreed to try Hemingway’s “A Moveable Feast”, one of my favorites. He only made it through the first two paragraphs and sent me a long email where he was able to find something good to say about an author he didn’t particularly like. He said something along the lines of “I like his ability to immediately create a sense of place within the first paragraph” referring to Hemingway’s description of a “good” cafe in Paris. This he only said after several critical comments on the writing style. All from only 2 paragraphs.
There’s the laughter and conversations, but what I’ll miss most about John is his depth. He was a friend who would understand my need to have pointless discussions about the existential crises I was going through (they were frequent), or about a recent break up I was enduring (also frequent). A kind, warm hearted friend who was a good listener and supporter. He is sorely missed.
Azish- you capture John perfectly (and the picture is a classic). That long sigh before John had some intellectual mischief to throw in your direction!! It was as if to say, “My my my. It’s going to take a little while to guide you out of the wilderness of confusion and naivete that you are currently lost in. But don’t worry. I will lead you out.” There was always a twinkle in his eye, and a little smile. It was never meant or understood as anything other than a game that he enjoyed to play with people he admired. He loved to throw down the gauntlet and spar on subjects he was passionate about. There was never an end game… the process of discussion was where he loved to be, and he was a generous conversationalist. He generally adhered to his point of view, but he was not afraid to cede territory, either, and admit that you had made a good point or express interest your perspective.
One more.
And this…
Here are a couple pictures from a long ago trip to the Okefenokee swamp (spring of 1995). Some of my happiest memories are with John… memories from this trip alone could sustain me for a long time.
Such an amazing trip! Purple dragonflies and alligators and endless eerie cypress trees everywhere. You guys are laughing in this picture because I had taken like six in a row of you–and there were only 32 on a roll of film in those days (“in those days”–I sound like my dad.) Definitely one of the best weeks of my life!
One of the kindest people I know. Funny, very smart, extremely kind, just a wonderful person. Miss you John
A memory from our wedding day, which we were so honored to have John and Asia join us for. We got married in the Catskills, along the famous Beaverkill River, a renowned fly fishing area, which John was excited about. Similar to my bother, John loved salt water fishing, and I remember trying to drag them both out on the dance floor on numerous occasions, but instead they sat next to each other and talked fishing for much of the reception! John will remain in our hearts forever and our thoughts and prayers go to Asia and his family and friends. Love, Kirsten & Sims